Communication should be easy we’ve been doing it all our lives. So why at times does it feel so challenging getting through to others? Here’s how to make things easier…

Welcome to “communication”…Clearly from a management and leadership perspective a hugely significant topic…I’m pretty sure we could spend literally hours going through a million different themes…But in the spirit of keeping things pacy, but hopefully not rushed, I’ll explore the one that makes the biggest impact in the shortest period of time.…our one-to-one interactions.

It’s weird isn’t, you’d think that communication would be a complete walk in the park, we’ve been doing it all our lives and we’re never NOT doing it - so in many ways you’d think we’d be masters at it. It’s kind of bizarre too that at times getting our message across can be SUCH a challenge ….I bet nine times out of 10, you get on with most people, but there’s always that one person where it feels like you're pushing a whale up a beach…just hard work…of course leading a team as you do, ensuring your comms completely lands, gets fully understood and everyone has clarity on how they’re impacted is an essential skill. Just recall that original list of leadership qualities we explored on the first blog I’m pretty sure being a “quality communicator” appeared on that list - so fair to say, as a leader you definitely don’t want to be that person with the reputation for ambiguity and confusion in your messaging. 

Lets begin by looking at different styles of communication based on personality -  and we'll bring this to life by looking at a model created by psychologists called David Merrill and Roger Reid - created to predict management and leadership performance and personalities, which can also be used to identify communication preferences –  In a sec you’ll get to use the model for yourself, first though it makes sense for me to talk you through it and while I do, have a think as to which box most accurately describes you.

Now in order to make this entertaining I’ll go over the top in describing some of the personality traits…BUT I also want to highlight…just in case you’re not a fan of being told you’re a particular type of personality….you’ll already have a natural preference…and you’ll likely recognise yourself in the description I’m about to share, however here’s the key bit!...You’ll have adapted your style to suit the environment within which you work….Why’s this important to know?  Because if the style you’ve adopted is the polar-opposite to who you are naturally it can be exhausting.  It can feel as if every day’s a struggle because you feel at times you can’t be the real YOU!

I’ll get into this and you’ll see what I’m talking about.   So here come the styles….then you’ll do the questionnaire - We'll start with the top right-hand corner – The CONTROLLER. Here’s an individual that's very decisive. They thrive on making decisions. Can be quick to anger, Enjoy exerting their authority, are extremely determined and want to be in charge -  if they had a mantra it would sound like…”I say what I like, and I like what I bloody well say” people in the public eye that might fall into this particular camp, would be a Simon Cowel an Alan Sugar, a Jeremy Clarkeson or a Margaret Thatcher….While this is a massive sweeping statement, you typically find The CONTROLLER in senior positions within organizations, with some in extreme cases having authoritarian and dictatorial traits.

Now the polar opposite to The CONTROLLER is The COOPERATOR, what we've got here is somebody who's warm, kind ,friendly, approachable, patient, supportive, accommodating,  a real people person. They’re very relationship focused.  Not necessarily great at making decisions and can perhaps find themselves at times, people pleasing. But this type of character is easy to be around and seeks harmony with others.

The ANALYSER…so first up I think it’s important to say, that while being a team player is not a problem for them, they’re very comfortable working alone, they enjoy having their own space…what you’ll see from am ANALYSER is somebody who’s thorough, disciplined, careful and exacting, if you want someone to create an excel spreadsheet with attention to detail The ANALYSER is your go to person.  That said they can at times be somewhat critical, slow to respond and inflexible in their thinking. 

Now The EXPRESSOR actually has a great many of the characteristics of The CONTROLLER in that they know what they want…However the EXPRESSOR like the COOPERATOR is relationship focused, whereas The CONTOLLER like the ANALYSER is very task focused….Now with The EXPRESSOR, what we're talking about here is somebody who's very ambitious, charming, animated, engaging, outgoing, they can be very visionary, have big ideas and be charitable. That said those big ideas aren't always thought through and at the extreme end of the scale, EXPRESSORS can be somewhat obnoxious, disorganised and egotistical

OK then! Had a think?  Which are you?..........So time to go complete the Merill and Reid social styles questionnaire which you can access by following the guidance the video below.  It’s just a case of going onto google and doing a search.  So go do that now and come back here when you’re done.

So how well do you know yourself – did the questionnaire validate where you thought you’d be?  Now depending upon which of the questionnaires you completed (there’s a number of different ones)…fairly often I’ll have people with the exact same scores for both ANALYSER and EXPRESSOR  - So how can that be, given they’re the COMPLETE opposites?

Well think about it. If you're a manager, you’ll need, to motivate, set direction, think big picture and be energising and potentially visionary, all EXPRESSOR traits, but it’s also fair to say in your position of authority you’ll be required to provide reports based on accurate facts, measurements and data – which is of course qualities of an ANALYSER – so if that’s you and your scores were the same, that's a really good example of how in addition to your preferred style, you’ve adapted your behaviour to more effectively communicate in another style too.

So take time out and have a think about what is it you’d need to do to adapt your behaviour should you need to influence the style that's the complete opposite to you? For example if you’re a COOPERATOR. What is it you need to do to adapt your communication approach to better connect with and influence the decision making of a CONTOLLER?  If you’re an ANALYSER, what is it you need to do to adapt your communication approach to better connect with an influence the decision making of an EXPRESSOR? And of course vice-versa applies to both those examples depending upon your style. Try and keep this as real as possible – so if you’ve a meeting coming up, use what you’ve learnt here to think about how you’re going to approach it differently...OK, I’ll see you back here when you’re done.

Welcome back – Now you may have come up with EVEN more stuff than I'm about to share, but what I've got here are ideas based upon feedback from countless others I’ve worked with, plus real life examples of my own…So we'll start off with The CONTROLLER. So if that’s you, the advice here is to listen more, empathize more, show interest in others ideas, dial back that dominance and hold your judgement! Guess what other people might ACTUALLY have some good ideas!

If you’re a COOPERATOR and you're engaging with a CONTROLLER, probably your number one focus is to dial up your assertiveness, ensure your communication isn't woolly and fluffy, get to the point and ensure whatever it is doesn’t lack substance….and at the risk of throwing out a well worn cliché, make sure you’re talking solutions, not problems……

OK so time for me to quickly share a real life example…..While from a style perspective I’m actually an EXPRESSOR not a COOPERATOR, it’s fair to say at times CONTOLLERS can be a difficult character to have to engage with for all the styles, especially when you encounter a CONTROLLER at the extreme end of their trait - Their sense of “I know best” can be a challenge to get past, so the trick here is to have them feel as if what you’re communicating is their idea - clearly it’s easier said than done…but here’s something that worked for me…….No guarantees it’ll work every time, but in the spirit of “sharing the wealth”.

Try this….Let’s assume you’re a subject matter expert and you’ve an idea for a solution to a CONTROLLERS problems…you’ve a face to face meeting coming up and as part of that meeting you’ll be presenting your recommendations …..before the meeting, send in advance the information you want the controllers feedback on – you can position this as being mindful of their busy schedule...say you’re looking for their initial opinion on whatever the themes are you’ll be presenting to them.

How’s this work then….well what’s cool about this approach is you’ve instantly reduced the possibility of potentially having to think on your feet should you receive pushback when you come to present – if they want to explore the option you’re hoping to promote - great. You're already on the same wavelength….If they come back to you and it's NOT the option you were hoping, you can now formulate a counter argument …the key here is to do that in a respectful and artful manner…..highlighting how you can see things from their perspective and linking that to the benefits of YOUR approach….Does this work every single time? Of course not. But it can give the edge you may not have had in the past. Give it a go…

So let’s return to the different approaches to take………and we’re on to the ANALYSERS, so what’s your approach if you’re an ANALYSER and meeting and attempting to influence an EXPRESSOR…well the advice here is to liven up your communication, be that tonally, in the way that you articulate things, or visually in the way you’re presenting stuff, be flexible, have an open mind - and if all you’re hearing are big ideas not backed up by facts, at least show willing, you can perhaps point out later the error of an EXPRESSORS ways a little bit later on. (Respectfully of course!)

And FINALLY if you’re an EXPRESSOR and you’re attempting to influence an ANALYSER, temper your enthusiasm, be slightly less wordy and animated, be organised, be factual and have structure – Work on your attention to detail, that’s key! So that's it for one-to-one communication…Although there’s one area we haven’t gone into detail on. Finding yourself in an interaction with someone the same style as yours. So CONTROLLER with CONTROLLER and COOPERATOR with COOPORATOR. What are the watch outs here? Well the danger’s in the form of the more negative traits to become amplified. All the CONTROLLERS want to be in charge, the ANALYSERS get caught in an endless loop of paralysis of analysis. COOPERATORS have a lovely chat but everyone is trying to make the other happy so nothing gets done and EXPRESSORS can get windy creative with no consideration for how any of theirs ideas might be possible. Should you find yourself in this situation its going to take some self-awareness and an ability to communicate to others what you’re witnessing…plus of course those leadership skills to persuade others to follow your lead / suggestions.

So what are some of the key takeaways from this? I suppose the key message is…..as manager when you’re communicating one-to-one with somebody and they’re “not getting” what you’re saying, then there’s a school of thought that says that's probably not their fault, its yours….remember the old training cliché…”the impact of communication is the response you get.” 

Oh and one final thought……In the past I’ve used the Merill and Reid questionnaire as a fun activity to do as part of a team meeting, it can create good discussion and put the spotlight on why communication between team members is at times challenging – plus it creates discussion for areas to work on to make improvements - just an idea……..Alright, next up motivation. What do we as managers and leaders need to do to keep others fired up…