Get clear on your values they influence your decisions…
Here’s something worth considering. Your values in life determine your decision making – so they’re a pretty essential thing to be clear on. I’ll explain more in a moment. First though, what are YOUR values? I’m figuring being asked that question out of the blue isn’t one you’d necessarily be able to answer quickly. That said, I’d be willing to bet if I put pressure on you you’d probably throw out stuff like…love, family, health, money, friends, relationships - things like that. Don’t beat yourself up though, because it’s similar for most people, our values aren’t things we often sit and ponder, we know we have them, they’re just not front and centre of our thoughts everyday.
So what is a value? Its something we place importance on. If our values aren’t met it can create significant emotional disturbance which is why research suggests, people who live life according to their values are more predisposed to living happy and fulfilled lives. Which I’m figuring, sounds like something most would like to experience. So, your values are those things you believe are important in life. They’re what guide your decisions and shape your behaviour. If you’re not clear on what your values are, it can be difficult to make decisions which are truly in line with what you want out of life.
Better understanding what certain things “mean” to us helps us determine the appropriate actions we take that best align with those things we hold dear, thereby being true to ourselves. For example, if you consider “money” an important value which I’m sure many do, ask yourself the question “what does money mean to me?” your answer maybe “freedom,” “security,” “leaving a legacy.” Armed now with these new insights into “why money is important to you” empowers you to make choices you’d never considered or conversely have you take a moment to pause, when perhaps before you’d have been impulsive.
I’ll expand on the is. Imagine you’ve listed your vales and one of them is “family”. and when you consider. what family means to you, it’s an easy one - “you’ll always be there for them.” Now let's also imagine you’ve “ambition” as a core value, which you describe as meaning “a commitment to professional growth". NOW let me throw something else into the mix. Imagine you’re offered a promotion at work, it’s an incredible opportunity - but it comes with significant travel and you’ll be away from home for significant periods of time. So you’ve a dilemma. Which is it to be? This opportunity at work, which aligns with your ambitions or staying true to your other value - “always being there for your family.” So you can see from this, how being clear on your values and what they mean, can be very supportive when it comes to making big decisions. While in the moment it maybe easy to justify to yourself while taking action one way or another is appropriate, its worth pondering how compromising on your most firmly held values can lead to long-term dissatisfaction and inner conflict.
So the next time you consider going for that promotion or applying for that new job – ask yourself, what’s lead you to make that decision? Which of your values is not currently being met? There isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer to that question, but there are a few things you can do to get started. One of the best ways to identify your values is to think about the times in your life when you’ve been most happy. What were you doing at those times? What were you thinking about?
Another way to identify your values is to think about the things that you’re passionate about. What are you willing to fight for? What makes you feel alive?
1. Discover your values:
1. What is your personal definition of success?
2. How do you make decisions that are consistent with your values?
3. Do you ever have to compromise your values in order to achieve success?
4. Are there certain things that are more important to you than success?
5. What would you be willing to give up in order to maintain your values?
Exercise: Following the steps below, have a partner assist you.
All you have to do is ask one another the questions below listing the replies you get.
Often thinking time is required, so don’t rush this. It’s ESSENTIAL YOU DON’T answer for your partner or make any suggestions.
Step 1 – ASK: “What’s important to you in life?”
(If the answer is long simply say - how would you condense that into 1 or 2 words?)
Keep asking the same question until you get at max 10 words in a list.
Step 2 - ASK: “Taking time to study this list, can you think of any other values you would like to add?
(If the response you get is “I don’t know” ask - “If you did know what would they be?”
Step 3 –ASK: “Are there any values you wish to remove?” (allow your partner to review the words you’ve written and cross off any if necessary)
Step 4 – ASK: “Please list them in order of importance?”
(As your partner replies, list them and number them in order of importance using the same piece of paper.)
Using the list of values which are now in order of importance…Ask your partner the following…
Step 5 –ASK: “If you had to choose between numbers 1 and 2 on the list which would it be?” (They must pick. Once chosen cross it off and continue down the list…) If you had to choose between numbers 3 and 4 on the list which would it be? Continue until you have completed the list. The end result are values that are of the greatest importance to you.
Now ask yourself this question to each of your values – “What does this actually mean to me?” Asking this question takes you to a deeper level, tapping into the motivating factors behind your decision making.
Exercise: Every day we’re juggling elements of our lives, some require more focus than others, which often leaves other areas of our lives feeling empty and unfulfilled. This exercise compliments the previous exercise. It’s called the “wheel of life” it works as a visual tool enabling you to identify the areas of your life you’re currently satisfied with and those that require focus. Draw a circle, and divide it into 8 segments. Each segment represents an area of life. For example: Diet, career, finances, family, relationships, health, fitness, personal time – just replace these examples with those that are important to YOU. Next, you score the centre of the wheel a zero which suggests you’re “completely unfulfilled” in this area and you score the outside edge of each segment a ten, which means you’re “utterly fulfilled.”
So go ahead, recreate a wheel of your own. Be honest with how you feel - scoring yourself anywhere between a zero and a ten, draw a line across each segment so it accurately represents your current level of satisfaction. Colour it in. TAKE ACTION…and make some changes!
OK. so now you’ve a list of values, and you’ve identified the areas of life that require focus - Take some action. This doesn’t mean that you have to do everything all at once! But it does mean that you should start making decisions that align with your values more often. This can be a challenge at first, however the more you live in line with those values, the more fulfilled you’ll likely begin to feel. Thing is…to make changes it may involve some tough decisions too, so be prepared for that - However the following line, although brutal can be a big motivator… “if it’s important to you you’ll find a way, if not you’ll find an excuse…”
One area related to values that I just want to mention is “abstract concepts.” So it’s possible you’ve listed things like integrity, loyalty or justice…Now the question is - How do you go about incorporating these into your life without them becoming obstacles. So here’s some perspectives to consider:
Recognise that life is complex, and situations may arise where these values can come into conflict or require different interpretations, so it maybe worth adjusting and refining your values as necessary to create a harmonious and balanced life. Plus of course justice for example may mean different things in different situations or cultures…so appreciating this may allow for a more practical and nuanced approach.
Plus of course, at times, living your values can require making difficult choices or trade-offs. It's important to prioritize your values based on their importance to you and the impact they have on your overall well-being. Understand that there may be situations where certain values take precedence over others, and that's okay. Maintaining a healthy and fulfilling life often involves balancing multiple values and making choices that align with your long-term vision and well-being.
Remember, the purpose of integrating “abstract concepts” into your life is to provide you with a good strong moral compass and while there’s all well and good…it’s also crucial to know those personal values that are important to you on a day-to-day basis.
Living your values doesn’t mean life will be easy. It takes courage to stand up for what you believe in, especially when it’s not popular or goes against the status quo. But by making decisions based on your values, you can create a life that is meaningful and fulfilling, both for yourself and for those around you.
Try this. Think about something you really want to achieve and ask yourself these questions.
• Why is this important to you?
• What will it give you?
• What will it allow you to do?
• Who else will this positively impact?
• How do you see this benefiting you in a year from now?
2. Self-coach yourself:
These questions invoke motivation through visualisation. They help you see the end results - There’s a book I’d recommend: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Dr Steven Covey. One of those 7 Habits is “beginning with the end in mind”. These questions help with that process. Now, if you’ve found those helpful you can go one step further and really explore your motivations by using the questions below - Think of it as a form of self-coaching:
Goal
What exactly do I want to achieve
How important is this to me
If necessary, how might I break this goal down into bit-size chunks
Reality
What have I done so far to reach this goal
What key things have I learnt
Who else will I need to support me in reaching this goal
Who else will be affected in pursuit of this goal
Who has been successful in achieving this goal that I can learn from
What constraints within me might impact upon progress
To what extent are elements within my control
What external constraints are there that I need to be mindful of
How might I overcome them
What if anything is a deal-breaker to me actually being able to start making progress now
Am I in anyway sabotaging my own efforts to reach this goal
What obstacles do I expect to meet
Options
Which option appeals most
What can I do as the next step in reaching this goal
What else can I do (Keep asking yourself this same question over and over))
If time / resources were not a factor what else could I do
Who can I tap into for advice / guidance / support / resource
What crazy idea might actually support me
What happens if I do nothing
How can I measure progress
Whom do I admire that does this really well
What can I do that they do
Will
What other priorities do I have that will impact upon my energy and motivation
What will I do to mitigate them
How exactly will I know when I’ve reach the goal
When specifically do I want to have achieved it
What progress to date can I tap into to support me reaching this goal
What will be my first course of action…and when exactly will I start
Who specifically can I tap into to keep me on course and keep me focused and motivated
3. Watchout for toxic positivity:
While it’s true getting in touch with your values can be very motivational, it’s important to remain balanced when it comes to BIG life decisions. For some the realisation they’ve allowed their “power” to become diluted and through these exercises discovered they’re actually masters of their own destiny, can produce a real burst of energy and desire to make radical changes! Please, please, though take a moment to pause and consider any actions of REAL significance. For example, if you’re passionate about a particular activity or hobby, you may find yourself suddenly wanting to dedicate large amounts of time and energy to pursuing it. This can come at the expense of other important aspects of your life, such as your relationships, health, and well-being. It’s easy to get caught up in the Instagram and Facebook posts with people recommending you “quit your job and follow your passion.” But if you need your job to pay your bills, and that same job provides a sense of connection for you, and it gives you purpose, but your passion is utterly unmonetisable - then quitting your job and pursuing your hobby has the potential to be ruinous.
For sure passion can give you a sense of purpose in life. It can be a great source of motivation and provide you with direction, and sure If you’ve the means to “quit your job and follow your passion” and you can see that thing you love so much generating a ton of cash quickly and easily, then go for it…assuming you’ve done the research, planned thoroughly, assessed the needs of those depending upon you and formulated a sound strategy - I couldn’t encourage you more! Without a doubt having a genuine passion about something, means you’re more likely to stick with it, see it through and tough out the inevitable crappy times.
At the risk of dampening your enthusiasm, I promise I’m not trying to do that! If you do find yourself with that fire in your belly, and a craving to make some bold decisions, it’s definitely worth reflecting upon your current job. Yes it may suck, the people bug you and the hours and pay frustrate the hell out of you, BUT also take a look at what it IS offering you. For example the experiences you’re having at work from a life skill perspective, could be of HUGE value. Maybe the job’s highlighting what you do and don’t want in a job - Maybe you’ve gained insight into your own levels of personal resilience, perhaps it’s providing insight into your capabilities in handling tough workplace relationships, or in dealing with workplace politics….Remember the grass isn’t always greener (and where it rains, that’s where the grass is greenest!).
Ok lets summarise……“If you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life.” Another one of those Instagram posts!! Look, this may be true for some people, for others, it can come at high personal cost. At the risk of repeating myself, for many, finding their passion and then following it is the key to happiness and fulfilment. But for others, it can be a difficult and demanding road, with little financial reward. For most, it involves a regular day job (some form of regular income) while working separately on your passion project as a side hustle, with the hope one day of it transitioning into becoming that day job…just doing what you love, day in day out, without the need for that other financial cushion.
So is following your passion a good idea? It depends on your individual circumstances. If you're lucky enough to be able to make a living doing what you love, then go for it! But if you have to sacrifice time with your family, a stable income, or your health, then it's probably something you’re going to need to think long and hard about.
In the end, it's up to you to decide what's best for you. But before making any decisions – get clear on your values, weigh all the pros and cons carefully and do your research – There’s almost certainly others who’ve have been down this road too…Reach out, who knows, they may be able to offer sound advice.
I’ll leave you with this final question to ponder. I don’t recall exactly where I heard it I think it’s from a TED talk I watched, apologies to the originator - Imagine your future in the best possible way, what would your life look like to be happy? If you could…What small step could you take right now to begin that journey?