You know coaching gets results - But how do you coach when some team members don’t want to be coached and your time and options for coaching are limited?

OK it’s time to delve into the world of coaching….Before I start…just to offer some reassurance, I got my coaching qualification from Oxford Brookes in 2010, I coach pretty much on a weekly basis, typically working with others to improve performance or to support their personal development goals…In addition I regularly design and deliver coaching programmes for business in a variety of industries…so you’re in safe hands I promise….. and while there’s no getting away from the fact coaching lends itself to practical application, I’ll ensure I bring the topic alive. And you can take what works for you and apply it in your personal and professional life. There’s also a fair bit to cover so I’ve split the content to be covered over two blogs…

What’s the difference between coaching and therapy?

It’s probably worth quickly mentioning here, how coaching differs from mentoring, therapy and counselling, as this often gets asked so let’s cover that quickly then I’ll lay out the stall regarding content…So it’s best to think of mentoring as a two way street, while typically the mentor’s an expert in their field, sharing their wise insights and providing guidance, those being mentored ALSO have something to offer, so for example, they’ve perhaps got social media skills… that the mentor lacks….Therapy tends to be more longer term with a focus on healing a disorder – for example anxiety… and counselling focuses on a specific issue, so for example PTSD or marriage breakdown. Interestingly though…there’s a key denominator – Have you spotted it…All involve two people - one asking another questions, that prompt the other to think differently…I highlight this because at times when I teach coaching courses – I hear concerns along the lines of “I’m not an expert in what they do, so how can I coach someone?” or “what if I don’t know what to ask or I run out of questions when I’m coaching?” …So if that’s you, pls don’t worry - while coaching isn’t normally about GIVING advice, it’s 100% about listening and asking powerful questions – Probably fair to say, both those things you’ve done countless times with multiple people, friends / family etc…..you just didn’t call it “coaching.”…So what I’m saying is, don’t beat yourself up, you’re probably a natural at this - What you’ve got here will just help to refine your approach…

Have you got a fixed or growth mindset?

Let’s get into this. We’ll explore what makes an effective coaching relationship? I’ll introduce you to the GROW model (explored in detail in coaching part 2) and I’ll set you up to use it to maximum effect. We’ll look at the opportunities to coach in the work place and I’ll also share tips and techniques to help avoid common pitfalls. To help the learning process, I’ve broken down each of the key areas I’ve just mentioned, so bite-size chunks, that way you can just dip into each really quickly and refresh yourself. Now before we identify what a great coaching relationship looks like – Take a moment to think about your own team members. Who’ll be totally up for the opportunity to be coached? And who won’t? And more importantly, ask yourself why is that? Why the difference in mindset? It’s an interesting one isn’t, how some people are open minded to improving themselves and others less so. Clearly I’m hoping you’ve a team full of coaching advocates, but I understand that’s not always the case, so just to reassure you, I’ll also explore what’s available to us to get past that challenge. In the mean time I’d recommend this TED Talk with Carol Deck., where she shares her insights into the research she did identifying how some of us have what’s described as “fixed mindsets” and others “growth mindsets” as coach, this is important viewing…

Developing an effective coaching relationship…

Lets explore the coaching dynamic itself, the importance of the interaction between coach and coachee, the building of a quality relationship, which is obviously essential if we’re to coach others effectively and assist others in achieving the results they seek. Take a look at this model… the triangle represents the stages of connection we have with another - so think about it based on the connection you’ve got with EACH of your people.

I’d imagine that connection differs from person to person. With some you’ll have a closer working relationship than others. And that’s understandable, you may have history with some and others may be very new to your team. But ask yourself this. Are you still at the small talk phase! What’s this mean? So aside from being their manager – your connection with them has never gone beyond, what the weathers like, or what‘s on TV? I seriously hope that’s not the case. If it is, There’s probably room for improvement before you go launching into coaching mode with them. Maybe you’re at the next stage, you’re aware they’re in a partnership or married, they do or don’t have kids, they go on holiday to Dubai every year – simply basic stuff about them….no level of depth as to what makes them tick or drives them. The next stage is beliefs – Let me bring this to life with an example….I’m going to mention three themes, how likely is it these 3 things, given the opportunity could create a REAL mix of opinions? - Trump, Brexit and vaccines. Fair to say each of these could easily stoke quite a debate. Why am I highlighting this, because the sharing of personal opinions and beliefs comes with an element of risk, a concern others may not have the same beliefs as you, which could lead to some awkwardness, but it also demonstrates trust…That you see the other person as someone who’ll respect both you and your confidences.

So if we take this back to the depth of connection you’ve got with your team members. Who’s comfortable sharing their beliefs with you? Do you sense these individuals have a relationship built on trust and respect? What about those team members who don’t open up to you? Might there be a trust issue? If you think not. Then it’s probably still going to require you to build a closer professional connection before the individual opens up and responds to coaching in a positive manner. Ultimately it’s going to come down to communication and your ability to be perseverant in your approach. Does it mean you can’t coach someone…absolutely not, but TRUST IS an essential ingredient. The more trust, the more open and honest the coaching conversations and in turn from a coaching perspective, the greater the opportunity for coachee in terms of self-awareness, and personal / professional gains. As that trust continues to build so too does the potential to connect at even more emotional level.

But I haven’t got time to coach! Are you sure?

One final thought if you’ve a scenario where you’ve a team member with huge potential, but you’re facing stiff resistance because “coaching” to them is almost a dirty word, then coach but don’t call it coaching. What do I mean? Well, there’s going to be multiple opportunities to coach in the workspace. Very often. It's easy for us to think the only time you can ever coach is part of an appraisal, maybe a one-to-one at the start of the year where you can have a proper, sit down, it's all very formal, and the interaction can get quite deep! But actually there's opportunity to be able to coach in the moment too…This is especially good for performance related coaching.

What’s it look like? Well literally a one, two or three minute conversation. Where you're not even expecting to get an instant reply, but the purpose of this approach being - to plant a seed, to get another thinking as to what they could do to change or shift their behaviours, For example that might sound like…”I’m wondering…How might you take this recent success and apply the same thinking to X? - or perhaps there’s the opportunity to sit down prior to somebody going into a meeting or doing a presentation to a client or key stakeholder. Simply a quick 10 or 15 minutes to have a coaching conversation, perhaps to establish the measure of success linked to the outcome? That’s not to say a more formal 121 coaching conversation as part of an appraisal isn’t essential too, maybe linked to longer term personal and professional goals and more developmental in tone.

Take time out and consider this - What are the pros and cons to each of the approaches just mentioned, in YOUR workplace? Think about a situation you’ve got coming up. If that’s not appropriate, one that recently happened, where you could have coached. What powerful coaching questions can you come up with, that will/would have made a difference?

I think it's important to remember. There's going to be a time and a place for coaching. You’ll recall, when we explored the skill / will matrix as part of the how to motivate people session we identified a number of situations whereby coaching could be advantageous, but also some opportunities for training as well. So you're gonna need to use your judgment with regards to when coaching or training is the most appropriate route…

Certainly if somebody needs to create new ideas, take new approaches to stuff, needs focus, motivation or to build confidence, then coaching will help. However, if they’re building up their knowledge or developing new skills perhaps training is the more appropriate route. That's also a big watch out here, and we've kind of touched on this right at the start of the session. Know the boundaries of your expertise there’s a grey area between coaching and therapy, I’d suggest if you’ve somebody who’s experiencing wellbeing challenges, tap into the resources available from your HR dept or where appropriate support someone by pointing them in the direction of a professional. Be very cautious not to over step what’s professional and appropriate. Always remain with the limits of your expertise. OK that’s it for this session. Next up…Lets get into actually coaching someone…